Need an advertiser

I need an advertiser for this blog. Anybody interested?

All be Casanova

Depression is gone. Insomnia sinks in. I laid awake in bed for a good 45 minutes before I decided to get back up and take a couple of Tylenol PM and a Mirizapine. I packed another bowl and put the Juno soundtrack on the I Mac, and start listening to Cat Power. Last night, I fell asleep about 5 a.m., woke up at 9.15 and jumped right out of bed.

Alexandria is teething.
I sometimes wonder if we made the right decision when we made love that night. We both wanted a child, and tried just that one time. 9 months later we had a beautiful baby girl.

Sometimes I wonder if you're happy with me... and sometimes, I wonder if I'm happy with you. And we could seperate, but if we don't keep trying, we'd probably just continue the cycle, finding love, then breaking hearts.

I love you, I do. I wonder if it's possible, though, to not be selfish and love others in the same, yet different ways;

I know what the bible says, how it's just not right. But what if I've grown? I'm learning to read between the lines of the book in the light with the right spirit.

I love you, I do... I love the fact you might be the same way; that we can continue to grow old with eachother, and hold eachother tight, until that night that the light goes out...

I want to run sometimes, but it might just be because i'm afraid..

and so then i start thinking about how what I'm afraid of, I relate to demons, but then I turn around and play with fire... and I like it.

Can we just all please be Casanovas?

<3 Molly.

deviousness

been feelin devious these past couple of days like i haven't been reading my bible enough --- but the thoughts alone aren't enough to make me go running into loosing sight of possibilities.

Spit in my throat

i'm like a pretty flower
a gypsy girl that has a strange power
to rhyme the words that get stuck in her hed while she lays in her bed
next to the man that she loves, the father of her daughter
and she'd die a mayrter
for the things she believes and one that she'll always follow
and you gotta swallow the spit that gets stuck in your throat
when you see her smile while she lies on the boat
that flys through the water
on that hot summer day in the bay of biloxi
and you feel a bit tipsy
cuz' that beer that you're drinkin'
and the sweat is kinda stinkin'
while we roll through the sheets kinda freakin'
to the beatin' of the bass
while you touch my face oh so-so-so soft-ly --

Writing words and silly things

I want to write but internet is being stupid,

so i start this in a text editor.

Today the day feels a lot more free than it used to be. I feel something is side my soul change and the clouds look whiter and the sun shines brighter and it just feels so good to finally feel free, not to be locked down by the depression that humanity seems to bring, the birds start to sing and

i finally caught the caterpillar that's been eating my flower, it's strange because it's like the same kinda power that fuels us to live is one in the same, the same God that i worship everyday when I pray and I ask him if he may bless me today for everything and everything that he would like to see me live the way the Holy Spirit has me follow and I know I cannot walk in the steps and so i gotta pause the microphone to make a call to a lady that I blew off thinking her way was not the way when the only difference is the name we call Him,

we all have our struggles and sometimes i cry but who said life was gunna be easy? Spring is finally here and the economy is bad but who gives a shit why am i sad? We gotta sell that stupid car sittin in the driveway but the good Lord up above has a plan worked out for the best I just gotta keep my feet walking by the side of a superstar we know as Jesus Christ and I start to wonder if he had a middle name....

I wanna get a bic to flick so i can lick the paper that wraps my weed oh so tight, and I strike the light and start to puff and smoke the herbage that was given to make it just a lil easier to get through this hell on earth, satan seems to dance and giggle in the shadows of the night but we pray and pray and pray on our knees that the Good Lord can sieze the demons as sleezy as they are and send them back to Haties so that they can burn in hell

Babylon is what our country has become and you wanna start to run and think of better things and a memory of the priest rubbing ashes on my forehead to ashes in dust and remember the next time you bust a rhyme while in church you must give thanks to the Holy Spirit for filling your soul with the words that so flow from your lips in the evening,

I want to kiss those lips in the evening when the moon is so full and I wish you were here right next to my chair sitting here listening to Damien Rice on the raido, and he reminds me that one day this may one day be our anaversy, and i don't know why but sometimes it just feels so right when I think of you but so wrong in the things that I think and it's dying to get out of me,
a lustful thing but why does it have to be such an unpure thing why can't we just be who we wanna be without worrying what the world would think of we by the sides of eachother walking hand in hand we get dirty stares when you kiss my hand and people sometimes just feel jealous of just what it is i don't know but I miss the long conversations and wishes for kisses on my neck in the summertime, why am I so dying to get out of here? We need a vacation just the three of us into the hills above the river that lies above my dad's house, and I get stuck again

and start to wonder when we'll touch our plushish lips together and i wonder wether you're thinking of me right now.... oh how i want to know how long it'll take our souls to grow into a union of one together, midnight seems so far away as my mind begins to stray further into that thoughts that may become reality

i'd like to run along the beach while you take pictures of the snow crabs that wash along the shoreline late at night while the casnio lights our biloxi sky it makes me feel so high sometimes when i think of you.

and i'm dying to get out of here this hell on earth that we're stuck on, it's a battlefield out there but you know that, you live it everyday, please don't start to cry i wish sometimes you didn't love me so that you could be as free as you'd like to be but then i think of those words you said that special night i was in your bed when you said that I completed you, that all you wanted was a wife and family. I love you.

Another Year

So my birthday was March 30th. My older sister, Kelly, watched Alex on Saturday night, and Daniel and I went out for lunch, movie, and had a few drinks. I had fun. Total birthday money this year: $225. did good. I like this whole getting older thing. The older ya get, the more ya get. :) Or maybe I'm just in the good book this year, or something...

Anti-Depressants are working well. Alexandria had a WIC appointment this afternoon, and I got weighed while I was there, and I've lost about 15 lb. in the past 2 months. so 7 lb. a month is not extremely rapid compared with my past weight loss, and I'm glad for that. I'm a lot more active than I was 2 weeks ago, and it's great. Started hanging laundry outside, working in our gardens, and taking Alex on a walk everyday around the block.

I also went back and talked to my old manager at the Christian Women's Center. They're a thrift store, and it's a great place to work. Everybody is really nice... anyway, I have to go put in an application tomorrow, and Nancy (the manager) said that when she's ready to hire somebody she'll give me a call. Yey! So that's good news... and Daniel's dad put an ad in paper for car... hopefully that will sell soon.

My cousins are down from Wisconsin, also. That's pretty cool. Cousin suzy is staying here while others stay at my sisters across town. I should run, though. Gotta sweep and mop..

love,
Molly.