I'm so tired, and I don't know where to write

I must have 5 or 6 blogs lost on the internet. When I first started "blogging," I hated that term. But I suppose it's grown into mainstream culture so I'll use it simply because.

I stopped writing on a regular basis about 2 years ago... maybe a little longer. Since my last post, I've done a lot of drugs, NA meetings, broke up with boyfriend and found my best friend, moved 2 or 3 times, quit a few jobs, went to jail once, saw about 30 concerts, had a daughter, gotten a certificate in basic publication design.. more or less in that order.

I live in metro Atlanta, now. Griffin, to be exact. It's the last city before you hit the country when you're driving down I 75 south.

Right now, I'm experiencing postpartum depression. Been going on for a month or two, now. And when I used to be in therapy, they always said it was a good idea to write. So I started writing when I was about 15 or 16. I think it was on a host called "dead journal." Some spin off of Live Journal.

This shit is crazy, man. I remember seeing Brooke Shields go through it and stuff, well, not seeing her...but hearing about it. I really didn't think anything about it. Just though... man, that must suck. And then I think my step-mom was probably suffering from it after my little sister was born.

It's like I am totally apathetic. If it wasn't for my daughter, I probably wouldn't even get out of bed some days. I'm not taking care of myself, not eating right, and I need to starting going to NA meetings again.

I've been pushing people who are closest away from me. I just sit in my house all day with Alexandria and our two dogs. My house is a mess. It's a mental battle just to do a load of laundry and the dishes, make the bed and sweep the house. Sometimes I forget to feed the dogs.

It's spiritual warfare. Constant spiritual warfare. That's the only logical explanation, I feel, to mental illness. Yea you can say brain chemicals and crap.. but it's a war. A daily battle. Good vs. Evil. Listen to me.. sounding crazy over here. But my faith in God is what keeps me going, and nobody can ever take that away from me.

I got a lot of demons hiding in my closet. I pray God will banish them to roam around the desert... or like that one guy.. Jesus cast this guys demons out into a herd of pigs. and the pigs all ran off the cliff and died. And then the guy was okay.

I'll be okay.

~Molly.