So the last couple of days, I have been in a good mood. Sun shining birds chirping kind of good mood. I'm up to 3 effexor a day, and they have really started to help my mood. I haven't been feeling worthless or guilty these past few days... which is wonderful. I don't like feeling that way... nobody does.

I do feel like I'm jealous, though. Jealous of poppies. Daniel spends almost all of his free time watering them, transplanting, tilling soil... fertilizing them. This weekend, there was a time that Daniel and I didn't say more than 5 sentences to each other that didn't involve poppies or gardening. I get so sick of the stupid flowers, I just want him to pay attention to ME! That may sound selfish, but I've been trying to make a sacrifice for our family.. to grow closer together, and it takes more than one person to make that happen. He'd rather play in his flower bed than hold his daughter for 10 minutes.

Don't get me wrong he's a great man and I love him very much. I just wish we could be the kind of friends we used to be... instead of this old stale couple that just sits around and piddles in their garden. I miss the excitement and romance we used to have together. Having a baby has changed a lot, but we still have needs.

And I just feel like my emotional needs aren't being acknowledged. And it hurts. It hurts to think that the person that you love doesn't find you that exciting anymore.

I asked Daniel the other day if he still loved me, and asked if he would ever leave me. He said of course he still loves me and he'd never leave me... and I believe him... but our relationship needs more than an "I love you and have a good day at work" exchange and a hug.

It would be nice if he would say "Lets spend some time together," and then follow through. That's all I want. Quality time with the man I love. Is that too much to ask?

~Molly.